You Are Allowed to Want Something Different
I had a light bulb moment one morning not too long ago.
Actually, it was more of a flashlight moment, shining light into some dark places that I had been ignoring for a while. I was listening to a podcast, like I usually do in my morning process; something inspirational to get my day started. I don’t usually have a plan for what I’m going to listen to unless I’m in the middle of good book. I’m between books right now and scrolled through Trent Shelton’s Podcast deciding to pick whatever jumped out at me just based on the title. If you’ve never listened to Straight Up with Trent Shelton or if you haven’t heard his story, go to wherever you listen to your podcasts and check it out right away. I’ll link my selection from this morning's process below in this post.
My morning process is very important to me and I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t always do it well. But when I do, the takeaway is nearly always powerful. On this morning, as I was listening to T.S. talk about the dangers of comparison I got doused with this sudden cocktail of adrenaline and hope. Quarantine and COVID have done the same things to me that it’s done to many of us…it’s made me complacent. I’ve spent more time than I’d like to admit, comparing my life to the lives of others, and getting stuck.
I’d been stuck wanting something that I guess deep down I thought I wasn’t supposed to have or allowed to want. I’ll be the first one to post inspirational quotes about dreaming big AANND I thought I believed it but it turns out that it’s not so simple. I’ve been dreaming bigger than where I was now but stifled the BIG dream. I spent a few minutes in my journal trying to figure out why.
Do I think I’m unworthy? Probably. That’s usually where procrastination or lack of confidence come in but I knew it ran deeper than that. And then it hit me!!!
A lot of you already know that at the end of 2019, in what seemed like a sudden decision, to leave the business I had had a part in building for nearly a decade. I left without explanation (not to the folks on the inside) but our clients and friends were left, either having no idea why or at the very least, only hearing one side of the story. This post is not about my side of things because I’m very much committed to not looking back. How I was living was no longer good for me only I didn’t know how to explain. So, I just left without explanation. I don’t feel bad about that. I feel bad if I left anyone with confusion but at the time it was what I needed. My mental health and my safety were my priorities and I’ll never apologize for putting myself first; neither should any of us. I was unhappy and exhausted from putting on a show.
It turns out, I wasn't stuck because I was unmotivated or lazy. Human beings are not really lazy by nature. Did you know that? I was stuck because I was trying to force myself into what I perceived the expectations of others to be. Guess what! No one is sitting around thinking that deeply about another person's choices. It's so easy to imagine judgement where it just doesn't exist. You can let that go now. You're welcome.
I picked up, packed up, and moved out of town where there are different opportunities and no expectations. I can carve any path I choose here (Atlanta). Some days I’m nailing it and others I sit in irritation and self loathing because I’m not working fast enough or doing as much as so and so… You know the drill.
Here’s what I didn’t know (or maybe forgot that I knew). I am allowed to change. I am allowed to want something different. I worried so much about what people would think if I suddenly tried to reinvent or grow into a better (happier) version of myself. I AM ALLOWED! Listen to me! You are allowed to want something more, something bigger, something different. We do not need permission to have a new dream, to lose weight, to wear what we want, to make new friends, to express our own ideas, to be understood, to learn a new skill, to take up a new hobby or an old hobby. We do not have to live our lives between bookends. No one has the right to put limits on us (other than laws that protect others, obvs)
I am only limited by the time I have left on this Earth and I for one plan to take care of the body I am in to extend that time and to make the most of it. I intend to dream embarrassingly BIG! The women I admire aren’t where they are because they played small. The going wasn’t easy for them either. I’m confident that someone tried to get in JLo’s the way. I’m very confident that Tracy Anderson, Gwen Stefani, Kate Beckinsale, and Jericho Mathews occasionally got in their own way with this same kind of thinking. They all had to find a way to get out of their own heads and do the "things." You and I are no less capable.
I AM ALLOWED TO WANT SOMETHING DIFFERENT! I’m going to needlepoint that on a pillow. (No I’m not, I can’t needlepoint) I’m going to write that on a Post It Note and put it on my mirror (Yeah, that’s more in line with my skill set). They say where there is a will there is a way. Well I say that where there is a WANT, there is a WILL! (And where there is a WHY there is a HOW. – more on that later).
· I want to create a lifestyle first and a business that supports it – not the other way around.
· I’m done trying to fit in when I know I was born to stand out.
· I want to write.
· I want to create.
· I want to inspire.
· I want, to once and for all, give myself the permission to be multi-passionate.
Here’s the embarrassing part. In my dreams I hear applause. Actors and performers crave the spotlight and we are 100% behind that. Why can’t I want that too? Why can’t you? Why can’t I be influential, helpful, and powerful using my gifts? Why can’t you? Why can't I build a empire that is a true reflection of who I am? Why can't you? I realize not everyone wants these exact things so plug in your own "Why can’t I…"
Fill in the blanks In my dreams I _____ (hear, feel, see, taste, have….)
Why can’t I __________?
Spoiler alert!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU CAN!
Say it with me:
I AM ALLOWED TO WANT SOMETHING DIFFERENT!
Listen to Trent Shelton: Comparison is a Race You'll Never Win
Do you have any thoughts, insight, think I missed the mark? Comment below.